Adam and his mom and my mom and my Megan just left for the day. Normally Adam would have stayed here with me until it came time for the last shuttle and then we would leave together, but I thought that Megan needed her daddy tonight. It’s hard to leave at the end of the day, but at the same time – the sleep is a necessity and so also is the break from just sitting here watching and waiting on Baby Jack to give us some indication of which way he is going to go. I do wake up all through the night, willing the phone to NOT ring: we’ve all heard that “no news is good news”.
Today has been much the same as the last couple of days, although his numbers continue to look better. There is one little hiccup in our stability in that; for some reason – unknown even to the doctors and nurses, every 3.5 minutes or so, little Jack will move his hands and feet and the number that is supossed to be high: will drop, and the number that is supossed to be low: will rise. It is so cyclic that Adam actually sat and timed it for a good hour or so with no change. It is frustrating because without this little cycle, we would think that he would just sit at a good level of stability. Instead we have to watch him go through this unexplainable cycle and worry if the reason why he is moving (he usually never moves – which is good since he is so sedated) is because he is uncomfortable or something.
So besides that, we would just be floating along. Adam is especially frustrated by it. I am a little reassured in that the nurses and doctors don’t seem overly concerned. I would feel much better though if it wasn’t happening.
The nurse tonight is actually the sister of one of our friends from church down in Ames. She actually requested Jack for the night (and I imagine the next several nights). I actually met her last month at her sister-in-law’s baby shower. I am thrilled that she is his nurse. I was very impressed with her when I met her. A tender mercy? Probably.
Speaking of tender mercies…with all the things that I have posted as far as what is going on with Jack, I have not yet taken the chance to talk about how this has touched us: on a spiritual level. I don’t think it took Adam and I long to accept that whatever happens with Jack is God’s Will. In fact, I don’t think there was ever a point where we thought otherwise or even had to come to terms with that. While I have had many conversations with God explaining what I would like to see happen, I know that in the end, we will both accept it without question.
Having said that, this is, of course, still very difficult. I guess part of it is just not knowing just what God has in store for our family and our little guy. Another part is just watching his poor little sick body and not being able to do a thing about it. Still other parts are wrapped around so many things. So. Like I said. It’s not easy.
But I have to remember that I signed up for this. So did Adam. So did Jack. We made the decision to come to this Earth and with it came all the trials and struggles that we as mortals face. We made the right decision. And as we have continued to lead the lives that we lead, we have continued to make decisions that have lead us on the path to an eternal family.
Without even really getting to know Jack (we don’t even know what he really looks like…he is so swollen and so covered in tubes…) we can still tell that he is such a sweetheart. We love him so much and we can’t wait for him to pull through this and decide to get better. Someone joked today that when he is a teenager and he asks for the car keys, I can just say “no” because I have already expended the alloted ammount of stress and worry that he is allowed. I told the person who said that that I will be just the opposite. My Jack can have whatever he wants; whenever he wants it.