Anytime that Adam and I were hit hard emotionally during Jack’s life, and found ourselves crying about our little boy, we would say we were having a “Jack attack”. I remember many times excusing myself from the company of doctors or nurses so that I could have a “Jack attack.” And sometimes Adam would take longer then expected to run an errand, and would explain it with: “I had a major ‘Jack attack’ in the car”.
After Jack passed, “Jack attacks” became more frequent. One time we were busy getting plans made and bags packed when Adam asked: “Can we stop and have a ‘Jack attack’?” And we would stop what we were doing and cry. Then we would pull ourselves together and get back to work.
Today we decided to go out to eat. While waiting for the check, Megan was getting antsy and was very anxious to leave. To keep her entertained, I used her restaurant provided crayons to write her name on the food box with our leftovers. She then asked me to write daddy’s name and then mommy’s. Both Adam and my heart ached when she then asked me to write “Baby Jack.” It was the first time that she has ever shown any indication that she understood that Jack was a part of our family, and that we are not complete without him. I watched as Adam held back what would have been a major “Jack attack.”
Megan never really had any big interest in Jack. In some ways her disinterest was a blessing, in other ways it was disheartening. While it was sad, we were grateful for today’s little glimpse into her understanding. What a joy she is to us.