Jack Attack

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Anytime that Adam and I were hit hard emotionally during Jack’s life, and found ourselves crying about our little boy, we would say we were having a “Jack attack”. I remember many times excusing myself from the company of doctors or nurses so that I could have a “Jack attack.” And sometimes Adam would take longer then expected to run an errand, and would explain it with: “I had a major ‘Jack attack’ in the car”.

After Jack passed, “Jack attacks” became more frequent. One time we were busy getting plans made and bags packed when Adam asked: “Can we stop and have a ‘Jack attack’?” And we would stop what we were doing and cry. Then we would pull ourselves together and get back to work.

Applebees
Today we decided to go out to eat. While waiting for the check, Megan was getting antsy and was very anxious to leave. To keep her entertained, I used her restaurant provided crayons to write her name on the food box with our leftovers. She then asked me to write daddy’s name and then mommy’s. Both Adam and my heart ached when she then asked me to write “Baby Jack.” It was the first time that she has ever shown any indication that she understood that Jack was a part of our family, and that we are not complete without him. I watched as Adam held back what would have been a major “Jack attack.”

Megan never really had any big interest in Jack. In some ways her disinterest was a blessing, in other ways it was disheartening. While it was sad, we were grateful for today’s little glimpse into her understanding. What a joy she is to us.

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8 responses »

  1. I can only imagine that when your sweet little girl goes to sleep at night she sees and talks to Jack and is coping in her own little way. What a sweet way to show you and Adam that she knows who he is, that he’s part of your family and that she loves him. You’re in our thoughts and prayers.

  2. That is so sweet to see that glimpse of understanding from Megan that Jack is a part of your family. We miss you guys.

  3. I am a friend of the Glaspie’s. They told me about your wonderful family and I have been following your blog. I live in Henderson NV and wanted to take just a minute to thank you for being so open about your story and your pain. I find myself uplifted when I read your posts and my testimony strengthened. Thank you for sharing your story and your baby with us. He has touched more lives than you know.

    God bless.

  4. I think it’s so sweet that she knows Jack is apart of your family.

    She is a blessing for you.

  5. Elizabeth and Adam–

    Although I’ve been following your blog, I feel like an intruder on your grief because I don’t know you very well yet. I have wanted to add my support, but just haven’t dared, I guess. Yesterday, though, I was listening to one of my favorite new CDs and one of the songs could have been written for you. I wanted to share it with you, although it’s much more beautiful with the music, of course. Here are the words…for your next Jack Attack.

    Just Let Me Cry
    by Hilary Weeks

    I believe that everything happens for a reason
    We’re not just tossed by the wind or left in the hands of fate
    But sometimes life sends a storm that’s unexpected
    And we’re forced to face our deepest pain

    When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under
    I dig my heels in deep and I fight to keep my ground
    Still at times the hurt inside grows stronger
    And there’s nothing I can do but let it out

    Just let me cry–
    I know it’s hard to see
    But the pain I feel
    Isn’t going away today
    Just let me cry
    Till ev’ry tear has fallen
    Don’t ask when, and don’t ask why–
    Just let me cry

    When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me
    I understood that there would be a chance that it would break
    But I know He knows exactly how I’m feeling
    And I know in time He’ll take the pain away
    But for now

    Just let me cry–
    I know it’s hard to see
    But the pain I feel
    Isn’t going away today
    Just let me cry
    Till ev’ry tear has fallen
    Don’t ask when, and don’t ask why–
    Just let me cry

    I have felt joy–the kind that makes my heart want to sing
    And so my tears are not a surrender
    I’ll feel that way again
    But for now
    For this moment

    Just let me cry–
    I know it’s hard to see
    But the pain I feel
    Isn’t going away today
    Just let me cry
    Till ev’ry tear has fallen
    Don’t ask when, and don’t ask why–
    Just let me cry

    I believe that everything happens for a reason.

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