Great and Perfect

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So one month of aching for our boy is down, and we have many, many, many more to go. As this month has passed, I am reminded of a quote from the movie, “Sleepless in Seattle”:

“I’m gonna get out of bed every morning… breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out…and, then after a while, I won’t have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.”

We certainly haven’t forgotten what life was like just a few short months ago. We probably will always remember what it felt like to just have little Megan and to be eagerly anticipating the arrival of our little boy and to feel like we had it “great and perfect” if but for a short while. That the world continues to spin and lives go on as usual still seems utterly ridiculous.

I’m trying to think of how I can end this post on a positive note, but I think it’s okay to acknowledge that we are still hurting and still sad and that we miss our little boy each and every minute of each and every day. Sure, we are doing “okay”. We can laugh, we can smile, we can find something to be happy about each day, and we can join in with the rest of the world in its inevitable spinning cycle. But I don’t think we are yet at the point were we don’t have to remind ourselves to “breathe in and out.” We sure miss Jack. We miss his smile, we miss his cries, we miss his laugh, we miss his sighs. We miss those and so many other things about him that we would be experiencing with him at this age. Each day that passes, however, brings us one day closer to him. It seems like so far away now, but I’m willing to bet that when the time comes all this pain will be forgotten by our joy. Then everything really will be great and perfect. For a long while.

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10 responses »

  1. geez Elizabeth, there you go again with your 20/20 foresight. Thats pretty impressive. I hope you know you’re not forgotten in our thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you got my email, if not, we’re in Vegas for the weekend and we’d love to bring Jack some flowers. Let me know the address.

  2. Hey Elizabeth – we continue to be inspired by your strength. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the song “Held”, but I’ve attached a link below in case you want to listen. It speaks of God’s strength when we have none.

    One line states “This hand is bitterness.
    We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
    The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.”

    Following your blog and your updates about Jack have clearly shown the strength you’ve received to wait for the wise hand to open and not give into to the numbing hand of hatred and bitterness. You guys are loved.

    http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=23846797&searchid=d843871f-6ae7-4d23-b85e-555a782a6e67

  3. Great post. I love that line from Sleepless in Seattle. But I love your line more, “Then everything really will be great and perfect. For a long while.”

    You are so right.

    Keep your (JL) chin up.

  4. You had posted on my blog.. about Luke..
    I want to say thank you again..
    Luke’s battle was 3 yr in the making.. his little heart was just not working before birth.
    He had many surgeries in his short life.
    They waited for the perfect heart. and at first it all seemed fine.. then it was up and down for weeks .
    Finally he had a heart attack and that killed half his heart. the dr. talked with Jamie and Troy & so they let Luke go “home” 🙂 We know as Christian’s we will be together again. that is all we can do.
    Keep the faith ..
    Lisa

  5. Great and perfect days are ahead, and when those great and perfect days arrive they will be here to stay for a REALLY LONG time. For now, keep breathing in and out. In the end, it will be so worth it! I’m looking forward to those days.

  6. Elizabeth, you continue to inspire more people than you will ever realize. You make me want to develop a stronger faith, and because of your testimony I am more grateful and humble for the blessings in my own life. Jack continues to be in our hearts and minds and he will never, ever be forgotten. Your family has a truly amazing day in store. What a blessing to be able to look forward to that.

  7. I am touched every time I read your blog. You are in our prayers. I wish so much I was still in Ames to go on walks with you and chat. . . I miss that and I wish I could be around to help. Just know you are often in our thoughts and prayers.

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