There IS a Plan

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We received Jack’s autopsy last week. I wasn’t planning on putting all the details on my blog, but I decided that it would be appropriate to share a little bit.

Based on the report, it seemed as though several of the things that they thought were “wrong” with Jack, were either normal or much less severe than they had estimated. He was actually described as a “well developed and well nourished” child, with a few little abnormalities. It was decided that he had a full corpus callosum, but that it was, in fact, much thinner than it should have been. We assume that this might have presented some challenges in regards to Jack’s cognitive function, but there are persons who have a hypoplastic corpus callosums, like Jack did, who lead normal lives and function just fine. I think it is 99% safe to say that Jack did not have a chromosomal disorder.

The cause of death was declared as pulmonary hypertension. Included in the report was a long list of possible reasons why a child has pulmonary hypertension, but NONE of them applied to Jack. His “reason” for having pulmonary hypertension was declared as “idiopathic” meaning they were unable to determine a cause.

So bottom line: aside from a few very little things which indicated that Jack may have had some challenges, Jack’s body was very healthy and very “normal”. They don’t know why the vessels in his lungs were never able to open up so his blood could get oxygenated, but it wasn’t related to anything about his development. There is a BIG arrow pointing to the umbilical cord being at fault as it was so tight around his neck at birth. Perhaps he just couldn’t take the breaths necessary to open up those vessels. There’s no way of knowing for sure if this is why he was so sick, but it is the best possibility.

But the REAL bottom line is this: it doesn’t matter how he died, or what caused it. The only reason that Adam and I even choose to do an autopsy was to see if there was any indicator that he had a genetic disorder that we were carriers of (and we truthfully still don’t know the answer to that, but we sincerely feel as though it is not the case.) But whatever the case may be, Jack died because it was part of the Lord’s plan for him and for our family. There’s no “what if the cord hadn’t been around his neck” or “what if they had caught it sooner” or “what if this” or “what if that”. I mean obviously there are consequences to the decisions that we make as free agents, and we most definitely can’t say that it doesn’t matter what we do or don’t do while passing through this mortal existence because “God will do whatever He wants anyway”. Our role here is to show our Heavenly Father that we will make the right decisions and live righteous lives: regardless of what trials and sorrows are part of His plan for us. We have to continue to have the faith that if we endure well whatever we go through on this Earth, that we will be blessed with ultimate happiness: which is exactly what our Heavenly Father wants for us. I know without a shadow of a doubt that He wants us to be happy. AND our every happiness is contingent on the choices we make as we deal with whatever He may toss our way in this lifetime.

"My Little Sweetie"I’m not saying we’re there yet. Adam and I have our struggles with maintaining faith and holding onto hope. But I know God love us. And I know that by adhering to the covenants that we have made with our Him, I will hold my little boy again. And he will be living and breathing and warm to the touch; and will be even more beautiful than he was in this life. Such a knowledge fills me with incomprehensible joy. And if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: I can’t wait!

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6 responses »

  1. I’m sure the findings were both comforting and frustrating, but I commend you for your continued faith and courage. Jack had a very specific, very special, and very wonderful mission to fill here on Earth, but I think he continues to be a missionary as he awaits the day when he can be with you again.

  2. Thank goodness for the gospel of Jesus Christ. As I read this my eyes filled with tears both in sadness for the loss of such a sweet spirit from this earth, but also because of the Spirit whispering to me the truthfulness of your words and the gift of eternal families.
    much love,
    Shannon

  3. At the very beginning of this saga – (it seems like years ago now) – when Jack was born . . . I remember saying to Anthony that we don’t know what is going to happen. We don’t know why and we don’t know when or how. I told him that if little Jack dies – and if we never get to know why he died – that it will be our job to accept it. Heavenly Father knows all. But, that doesn’t mean He has to reveal everything to us. Our job is to accept it and have enough faith to trust that Heavenly Father knows what He’s doing. I think you and Adam have done a great job of showing acceptance, faith and trust. Thanks for sharing a little about the autospy. It helps us to feel even closer to little Jack.

  4. It is an amazing gift to have the Plan of Happiness and the knowledge that we are eternally linked together as families in this life and the next. What an amazing day that will be; to be reunited with your beautiful Jack! Your family has been such a great example to us all of faith, love and trust in the Lord’s plan. Thank you for sharing a little about Jack’s autopsy…we love each and every member of your sweet family and pray the Lord will continue to watch over you all.

  5. Your strenght is an inspiration. It seems as if the autopsy was just more proof that the Lord had a plan for your sweet little baby and there was nothing that could get in the way of that. I’m sure he has a great amount of work to do on the other side and the Lord just needed him back quickly. I love your blog and I am so grateful for letting us in on your life for a glimpse of what true faith is.

  6. HI Elizabeth;
    I am Brandi Romberg’s mom. Ihave heard about you from her, so I visit your blog often. First off, I am so impressed with your strength I love you with out even knowing you. My reason for emailing you is that I am wondering if it would be OK with you if I use your Valentines story with my Mia Maid class on Sunday? The lesson is on Our Divine Role as Women. I think it would be perfect and I’d love to share it. Just thought I’d ask first.
    With much admiration and love;
    Sister Holly Wilson
    or maybe/kinda Aunt Holly to you 🙂
    let me know

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