Tipping the Scales

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I just love being a mom.

There is nothing in the world I would trade for motherhood. Sometimes I wonder what it might have been like to go on after college and get my master’s…and then maybe a Ph.D.. But if I could go back, I would still choose to be a mother. I would most definitely choose Megan. The happiness she has brought to my life is like nothing that I have ever experienced. It is inexplicable. It is wonderful. It is pure joy.

IMG_4126In May we learned that Megan has an expressive speech delay. We weren’t incredibly surprised when we learned about this delay, since we had faced a fair share of frustration with her: as far as spoken language is concerned. In some ways, it was disheartening to accept that Megan really did have some special needs that would require specific and unwaivering attention.

On the other hand, it was refreshing to have an answer to some of the stress and sadness we had been facing. I remember many times people would tell me how impressed they were with her reading ability. I would always beam proudly, but inside I would be thinking “yes, she can read. But I sure wish she could talk to me.” I watched other children Megan’s age (and younger) carry on full conversations with moms, dads, siblings, and friends; while my Megan would scream and cry at me because she couldn’t tell me what she needed or wanted.

IMG_8184 We were told that children with Megan’s speech delay usually make great progress between the ages four and five. Well…guess what? Since May, we have already seen HUGE progress. Four months ago, you might have found an inconsolable Megan, sprawled across the kitchen floor: with me by her side; pleading with her to tell me what she wanted, listing off every possibility: only to make her more upset with each wrong suggestion…up to the point where she’d forget what she originally wanted…and I would have silent tears rolling down my cheeks as I held her close and offered her anything and everything she could possibly want.

Fast forward to today. My jaw still hits the floor when Megan approaches me and says “I want to play outside” or “I want some apple juice.” It is so simple and so wonderful. But for a girl who COULD NOT express a single want just five months ago: it’s HUGE. Today I told her it was time for bed and she said “I want to play with Bradley and Jamison.” Of course I explained to her that she could play with them tomorrow, and that she needed to go to bed. In May, I would have told her it was time for bed and she would have cried and screamed and instead of going to bed pleasantly with hopes of seeing her cousins in the morning, she (and mom) would have gone to bed frustrated and stressed. What a difference it has made.

043-1She still has a long way to go. She can’t really carry on a conversation, and she still faces her moments of frustration, but they are few and far between. I can’t wait to see what progress we will have made a month from now.

I started this long post by expressing my great happiness in motherhood. I have read several blogs written by my peers where they express frustration with the difficulties of being a mom. Some have even doubted their decision to have children when they did, or even at all. Megan’s speech delay has NOT been easy. It has been frustrating and difficult and heart wrenching. I have cried tears in her behalf and have poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father for His aide, and for the strength to give Megan the attention and direction she needs. And while I want immediate answers to my pleas, it has been a slow and long process. This – along with all the “normal” things that mothers of young children have to deal with – can be tiresome. It can be daunting and overwhelming and burdensome. But you will never hear a negative word regarding motherhood escape these lips (or slip through these fingers). I will never wonder “why” I did it, or “if” I shouldn’t have. I will NEVER speak ill of my children or of being a mother. Loving Megan is the easiest thing I have ever had to do. Nothing will ever change my mind about the rightness of the decision I made to be her mother:

the scales are tipped way too far in her favor.
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6 responses »

  1. WOW! Thanks for sharing about Megan. I am SO excited for your whole family at the exciting progress she is making. And thanks for sharing your thoughts on motherhood. I echo your feelings EXACTLY, and it’s so refreshing to hear others speak (or write) so boldly about the love they also share for motherhood – even when it’s hard!

  2. Very expressive…I am glad Marbles can spend time with his loving Auntie, and could you please teach him to read while I am gone!! Just joking!! See you soon!!

  3. That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you, and especially happy for Megan! We certainly do miss her chatter.

  4. I was a nanny for a little girl with similar delays. Her parents didn’t take the time to help and her progress was almost nonexistent. It was so sad. I’m so glad Megan has parents to love and be patient with her! 🙂

  5. hooray!! i’m sorry to hear that you had all of these speech difficulties. glad its getting better.

    i agree to loving motherhood! i wish so much that i could stay home all day with my boys. but i wouldn’t take back having them when i did.

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