The last of the monthly “death anniversaries” is upon us.
I think the first monthly anniversary of Jack’s death was one of the hardest I experienced. We had only been thrown back into the swing of things for a few weeks, and we were trying our hardest to pick up the pieces of our life, and put them back together in some semblance of something “normal”. It wasn’t working out too well, and it was depressing. One thing that was also “weighing” me down was the fact that I was gaining weight. I gained over fifty pounds during my pregnancy with Jack, and I was relieved when about twenty-five of those pounds melted off immediately. After Jack passed on, however, I didn’t have much strength to fight the weight loss battle, and I was “losing”: big time. Emotionally and physically…I was a mess.
On the night of January 29th, I decided that I needed help. I went online and joined Weight Watchers without a second thought.
February arrived, and it too was difficult. But at the end of the month, I had lost ten pounds! The end of each month was met with Jack’s death anniversary, but so also the anniversary of my joining Weight Watchers. The program was a great success for me, and was a source of happiness and light. By the time Jack’s nine month death anniversary rolled around, I had lost forty-five pounds; and that’s not including the twenty-five I lost between his birth and death.
That’s a total of 70 POUNDS. In ten months.
I think that losing the weight really helped to hold me together at the end of each month. I couldn’t help but be proud and pleased with myself. I don’t know how I would have survived each death anniversary if I didn’t have some little success to go along with all the negative feelings and emotions I had to deal with. I often prayed for strength and guidance to help me stick to my diet and exercise plan. I know that my prayers were answered.
Maybe the reason why I struggled so hard with weight gain when I was pregnant with Jack was because Heavenly Father knew that I would need something to keep me going after he passed, literally. I threw myself into losing weight and exercising, and it has played a big part in the healing process.
If it was my choice, I would rather have Jack and be overweight, then be perfectly toned and fit without him. But it wasn’t my choice. Jack did teach me, however, how important our physical bodies are and how blessed we are to have strong and healthy bodies bestowed upon us. I wanted to show Jack that I learned that lesson and that I was grateful for my body. I think he would be proud of me.
Maybe he even went running with me sometimes and helped push me the last little bit.
I’d sure like to think so.