Today, during sacrament meeting, Megan was sitting between Adam and me, quietly reading a book. All of a sudden, she stood up on the pew, plopped herself down on my lap, and continued reading.
Up until this point, I had been doing a really great job paying attention to the speakers. But with Megan so close that I could smell her strawberry-watermelon-2-in-1-shampoo-conditioner-combo; my mind began to wander.
I have felt sorry for myself a lot lately. I’m so sad that Jack died. I am so sad that I was so excited to find myself pregnant last October only to miscarry in November. I am so sad that I am not currently pregnant, and don’t know when or if I will bear anymore children.
Even amidst my own private and personal little pity party (wow, how’s that for alliteration?) I have not been foolish enough to overlook the fact that I have a very healthy, very beautiful, very sweet, happy, pleasant, smart, and PRECIOUS child of my very own. I did, in fact, carry her in utero for nine months and she has, in fact, been a great joy to my every waking, breathing, walking, and sleeping moment.
While my heart still aches for my Jack, and while I still long to hold another beautiful and precious child of my very own…I can not justify pining away after what I do not have:
When I have so much.