And now: A Photo


I think I only have two pictures of myself from when I was pregnant with Megan.

I thoroughly regretted that fact during my pregnancy with Jack; wishing that I could look back and contrast and compare differences from one pregnancy to the next.

I promised myself that no matter how I felt about myself during my second pregnancy, I would take monthly pictures. Which I did.

I have looked back at those pictures during this pregnancy, but I haven’t felt the same desire to take pictures this time around. Maybe it’s because it’s more strange than interesting to look back on my Jack pregnancy pictures. I hardly recognize the girl I see in those photos and sometimes I feel like it wasn’t even me. A large part of it is because that pregnancy didn’t lead to me raising a child, and so sometimes it feels like it never happened. But also, I am very different from what I was like then, and I can read and detect my prior self through those photos. It’s not like I don’t like that person, or even love her, it’s just a me that I pretty much left behind when my life was shattered by Jack’s death. So, like I said, it’s strange to look back at those specific pictures at this specific stage of my life.

Today I decided I’d better take a picture or two of this pregnancy. I have to admit, that so far this has been my best pregnancy (physically. Emotionally? I’m a mess. So we’ll not do any comparing in that department). Yes, I was really sick during my first trimester. Yes, I have gained a little more weight than I should have. And yes, my sciatica pain has reared its ugly head now and then… HOWEVER, I was so grateful to be sick in the beginning that I smiled all through the nausea. And this time I only care about weight gain and its effect on the health of my baby: not the way I look (which by the way, I have been in much better control of my eating habits this time around and have not gained NEARLY as much as I had at this point with my past pregnancies, so that’s a plus!). And the sciatica pain? Well let’s just say that so far I have experienced about 1% of the amount of sciatica pain I experienced when I was pregnant with Jack. Each night I pray that my body will be healthy and strong for this baby. My prayers are being answered.

So anyway, I do plan on taking pictures as I get larger…for the sake of documentation…and now, here’s the first real pregnancy picture I have taken. A gift from me – to you – my adoring fans.

Just kidding about the adoring fans part. And that this is a gift. What kind of gift giver would I be if this is the kind of gift I gave? A photo of myself?

ANYWAY…here I am at 19 weeks.

Thanks for letting me share,


10 responses »

  1. My husband tells me that nothing is more beautiful than a pregnant woman. I think he may be right. It is amazing how we can look at ourselves from an earlier time and not see the picture as much as we see all the differences. I will sometimes find myself talking to that younger me, trying to impart some hard won wisdom. Does she listen? Never.
    I am glad this pregnancy is at least not as physically demanding. Prayers are AWESOME!

  2. sooooo cute! i am happy for you to be able to enjoy this pregnancy. i am in a euphoric stage right now that i can’t wait for you to get to. it is all so great and i know will be even MORE for you!! you’re in our prayers daily!!!

  3. Hello little baby bump…your beautiful! We keep praying for that healthy body and healthy baby too! Call me…it’s your turn. 🙂

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