I think I only have two pictures of myself from when I was pregnant with Megan.
I thoroughly regretted that fact during my pregnancy with Jack; wishing that I could look back and contrast and compare differences from one pregnancy to the next.
I promised myself that no matter how I felt about myself during my second pregnancy, I would take monthly pictures. Which I did.
I have looked back at those pictures during this pregnancy, but I haven’t felt the same desire to take pictures this time around. Maybe it’s because it’s more strange than interesting to look back on my Jack pregnancy pictures. I hardly recognize the girl I see in those photos and sometimes I feel like it wasn’t even me. A large part of it is because that pregnancy didn’t lead to me raising a child, and so sometimes it feels like it never happened. But also, I am very different from what I was like then, and I can read and detect my prior self through those photos. It’s not like I don’t like that person, or even love her, it’s just a me that I pretty much left behind when my life was shattered by Jack’s death. So, like I said, it’s strange to look back at those specific pictures at this specific stage of my life.
Today I decided I’d better take a picture or two of this pregnancy. I have to admit, that so far this has been my best pregnancy (physically. Emotionally? I’m a mess. So we’ll not do any comparing in that department). Yes, I was really sick during my first trimester. Yes, I have gained a little more weight than I should have. And yes, my sciatica pain has reared its ugly head now and then… HOWEVER, I was so grateful to be sick in the beginning that I smiled all through the nausea. And this time I only care about weight gain and its effect on the health of my baby: not the way I look (which by the way, I have been in much better control of my eating habits this time around and have not gained NEARLY as much as I had at this point with my past pregnancies, so that’s a plus!). And the sciatica pain? Well let’s just say that so far I have experienced about 1% of the amount of sciatica pain I experienced when I was pregnant with Jack. Each night I pray that my body will be healthy and strong for this baby. My prayers are being answered.
So anyway, I do plan on taking pictures as I get larger…for the sake of documentation…and now, here’s the first real pregnancy picture I have taken. A gift from me – to you – my adoring fans.
Just kidding about the adoring fans part. And that this is a gift. What kind of gift giver would I be if this is the kind of gift I gave? A photo of myself?
Thanks for letting me share,