needing to get ready

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“Last time” we had everything ready and waiting for Jack and his arrival. I can’t even describe how painful it was to arrive home after living for five weeks at the Ronald McDonald House and see his swing ready and waiting. His bouncer…ready and waiting. His clothes, his baby bath, his blankets, his car seat, his boppy, and his crib…all ready and waiting. Once the dust from the memorial service and funeral settled, we had to take down his crib, his swing and his bouncer. We had to pack away his clothes and his blankets and all his baby toys. I told Adam to just get rid of it all: give it away to people in need or take it back to the store – whatever – just get rid of it. But Adam, in his infinite wisdom, convinced me to wait until the grief wasn’t so fresh before I decided I didn’t need anymore baby items. How grateful I am that he was able to see beyond the moment.

Anyway, last week was not an easy one for me. The closer Baby Sam’s due date becomes, the more fearful I become. I’ll admit it, recently I have been more scared than ever that Samuel will be born sick. This week I might be stronger and more hopeful, but last week I was a mess. We only have about eight weeks left, and it is coming much too soon. I want to keep him in there so much longer just so I can have a guarantee that he is alive and with me. I am in no hurry for him to arrive.

So back to what I was saying about getting things ready. I have been having a hard time getting the motivation to do so. Unless you have “been there and done that”, then you don’t really know how heart-breaking it is to have a room ready for baby, only to have the room and all the things that you prepared with such love and excitement go unused. Given the state I was in last week, I decided that getting things ready for baby would help me anticipate his arrival with more excitement and less fear. And guess what? It’s working! Adam and I both love walking through the baby’s room and seeing his crib all set up. For the next few weeks I get to work on getting his room in order and everything ready. I am totally looking forward to it.

Thank you to my cousins Kyle and Clayton and their mad power saw skills which took us from this:

To this:

And to Adam and my brother Loren who moved furniture so we could go from this:

To this:

And from this:

To this:

I realize that this is a pretty limited shot of the baby’s room. But I still have a lot of work to do in there.

Only 8 more weeks until I go from this:

To this!

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6 responses »

  1. 8 weeks! I can’t wait! The baby room looks great 🙂 Hope you’re feeling well. You are glowing 🙂

  2. Thank you for your strength and your willingness to share your feelings about your pregnancy.

  3. Really…. the hardest and EASIEST way through hard things is STRAIGHT through them. You know that all too well. You have amazing strength and conviction. I love how everytime I read your posts I see and feel your testimony. Baby Samuel’s arrival is exciting and although it won’t dull your pain of loosing Baby Jack, it will fill your arms and your heart with love…for now.

  4. oh this is very exciting! i can only imagine the fear and the wanting to hold him in there safe and sound, but your faith and trust and JOY will be 100 times multiplied this time. We’re so excited for you- and the house looks awesome!

  5. Elizabeth! You look great! I hope you enjoy this nesting period and can have sweet memories of baby Jack as you do it. Love you guys.

  6. Your hot…and I love you. Good work on the house…I pray it continues to dull the fear a little and bring some excitement. Baby Jack, Baby Sam and big girl Megan have the best parents ever! Keep him in there and hold onto him for as long as he will take it…you and your babies are loved!

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