Joy

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Yesterday when I wrote about Jane’s birth, I said I couldn’t imagine a better birthing experience. On November 18th, 2008, I had the complete opposite experience when my son Jack was born. Today as I bask in the joy that is my new little girl, I also grieve and ache for my precious son. Today my sweet Janie is one day old. Two years ago today my sweet Jack was called home to his Heavenly Father.

I truly know much of heartache and suffering. Not a day has passed since Jack’s death without my thinking about him; wishing I could have raised him; wondering what he would have been like today. But oh what I know of joy! My Megan is truly one of a kind. I cannot imagine life without her.

As I cradle my newest little one, I can’t help but consider what it would have been like to have lost her, too. I never would have experienced her sweet little sighs, squeaks, and whimpers. And by the same token, I can’t help but think as I hold her what it would have been like to have done the same with Jack. To have had the chance to experience his warmth and soft body as he wriggled and nestled on my chest.

Jane (nor any other child for that matter) will never replace our little Jack. But in her very presence I can feel the love of my Heavenly Father and I feel honored that he has entrusted me with another of His precious children. This day, on Jack’s death anniversary, clutching tight to my little Jane softens the blow of our greatest loss. What a special place in our family she will always have.

We love you Janie. And Jack. And Megan. 🙂

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5 responses »

  1. What a beautiful tribute to your precious children. You, and your angel Jack, have been in my thoughts all day. I am grateful for the joy you are able to experience through the blessings of your firm testimony of eternal families, and your adorable new baby. Thank you for being an example to me of faith and perseverance. Sending love to you all.

  2. i am sooooo thankful your arms are full of soft warmth on this day. all 3 of your children bring you such joy, such hope, and a the truest reality that we have a Father in Heaven who knows us and loves us. You are so special. Thank you for always sharing your heart. your janie is BEAUTIFUL! what a JOY!

  3. Very rarely can I read one of your posts about sweet Jack that my eyes are not filled with tears. I almost lost my little Libby and to read your blog brings back so many amazing experiences and memories of the lords tender mercies! You are an inspiration to us all and all 3 of your kids are lucky to have you as their mother.

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