Jane is forty-one days old today.
For 41 days I have held her, kissed her, and rocked her to sleep.
I have bathed her, burped her, changed hundreds of her diapers.
I nurse her when she is hungry,
and at night she sleeps in my arms.
I have dressed her in comfy pjs, cute little outfits, and sweet Sunday dresses.
I am completely enamored by Jane. I love her more than I could have ever imagined.
And then some.
41 days may seem a weird occasion to celebrate.
But Jack only lived for 41 days.
I never bathed him. Never dressed him. I changed a grand total of one of his diapers.
Instead of nursing my child, I pumped milk every two hours, 24 hours a day.
I never saw his eyes, never heard him cry; was never granted even one sweet smile.
I never held Jack during his 41 days of life. Instead I sat by his side and cautiously stroked his arms, legs, and hair. It was only after he had passed that my son was finally placed in my arms.
Today it is somewhat sad to hold Jane in my arms and know that this is the age that Jack was when we said our goodbyes. She smiles, she giggles, she brings so much joy to our family. We cannot imagine our life without her and would be devastated to have to let her go.
It sure has been difficult to go on with life these past two years without Jack. It’s not hard to imagine what it would be like to have that sweet boy in our home.
One day we will be with Jack again. In the meantime, we have certainly had moments of true happiness. We have felt much peace and comfort and we do not daily mourn the loss of our boy. There are times, like today, when we miss him dearly, but we whole-heartedly accept God’s will and plan for us. We are so blessed by our two wonderful girls. Jane makes us SO HAPPY.
There is much joy in the journey. Jane has proved that to us over and over again the past 41 days. Each day she makes me more happy and each day I love her more. The forty-one days we spent with Jack were heart breaking. The forty-one days we have spent with Jane have been more wonderful than I could ever describe. I love all my children so much.
I feel undeserving of such rich blessings…
But I’ll take ’em.