For the most part, the joy of the Christmas season has been outweighing the heartache of Christmas Season ’08. Megan is LOVING all the decorations, the music, the treats, the gifts, the snow, the parties, her Elf, Santa; everything about the season. It’s hard to feel down amidst all her Christmas excitement. Jane is also at such a fun age; it’s impossible to look at her and not smile.
But still, it is a REALLY hard time of year for us. It always will be. Our most memorable Christmas was a difficult one. It’s hard to let that go. And besides, we don’t want to. Our memories of Jack are really all we have, so we take the bad with the good and hold on tight.
A few nights ago I was in desperate need of some “Jack”. We have a chest filled with all his “earthly memories” and so I decided that it would be nice to go through it as a family (something that we have never done before. Megan is aware that the chest in our room is Jack’s, but she has never seen the inside.)
We sat around our Christmas tree, and for about 40 minutes or so, we went through each item and talked about why they were special enough to be in Jack’s chest. While both girls were interested just because the items were novel; it was hard for them to catch on that the things were important and special to mom and dad. Maybe the next time we go through it, (which will likely be next year at this time) Megan will be more interested in the personal value.
While our Holiday season is forever saturated in difficult memories of our sweet boy, I am so grateful for the time that we were able to spend with him and especially the timing of the time we got to spend with him. How grateful I am to have a deep and sincere meaning of just what the birth of Christ means for my little family.