For the most part, the joy of the Christmas season has been outweighing the heartache of Christmas Season ’08.  Megan is LOVING all the decorations, the music, the treats, the gifts, the snow, the parties, her Elf, Santa; everything about the season.  It’s hard to feel down amidst all her Christmas excitement.  Jane is also at such a fun age; it’s impossible to look at her and not smile. 

But still, it is a REALLY hard time of year for us.  It always will be.  Our most memorable Christmas was a difficult one.  It’s hard to let that go.  And besides, we don’t want to.  Our memories of Jack are really all we have, so we take the bad with the good and hold on tight.

A few nights ago I was in desperate need of some “Jack”.  We have a chest filled with all his “earthly memories” and so I decided that it would be nice to go through it as a family (something that we have never done before.  Megan is aware that the chest in our room is Jack’s, but she has never seen the inside.)

The girls with Jack's chest

Megan opening the chest

We sat around our Christmas tree, and for about 40 minutes or so, we went through each item and talked about why they were special enough to be in Jack’s chest.  While both girls were interested just because the items were novel; it was hard for them to catch on that the things were important and special to mom and dad.  Maybe the next time we go through it, (which will likely be next year at this time) Megan will be more interested in the personal value.

Megan wore this shirt to announce that we were expecting baby number two.

Megan LOVED all the sympathy cards. We have hundreds of them and she would have likely read through EVERY ONE if we let her!

Jane trying on one the caps that the hospital gave to Jack

Megan reading a book that we had bought for Jack. The book is about how wonderful it is to have a little boy in the family, and what life would be like without the boy. This page says, "if you weren't our little boy there'd be a hole in our home." True that.

A little toy airplane just like this one was by Jack's side throughout his entire life. His daddy placed it there when he was born, and also placed it in his casket before he was buried.

Adam going through some of the items.

Megan with Jack's footprints

Jack's little shades.

While our Holiday season is forever saturated in difficult memories of our sweet boy, I am so grateful for the time that we were able to spend with him and especially the timing of the time we got to spend with him. How grateful I am to have a deep and sincere meaning of just what the birth of Christ means for my little family.



6 responses »

  1. What a sweet post. How great to have the chest for Jacks siblings to look through and for you guys too! Thinking of you during this season. xo

  2. I was so touched by this. I love that Megan respects Jack’s chest. I remember that shirt from your blog, along with the pregnancy and life of Jack. I send your family lots of love during this joyous, yet said time of year.

  3. Merry Christmas you sweet mother.
    I just taught a lesson in RS about Mary and this post reminds me so much of it. As we celebrate the BIRTH of Christ we know that he had already committed his life to death. Mary, didn’t know that, but she was chosen to bring him forth because of her strengths and faith and righteousness. You are so the same. You had no idea Jack’s life would be so short, but you were chosen to be his mother because of your strengths and faith. Im sure, like Mary, you don’t feel highly favoured when such hardship has been asked of you, but posts like this are examples that you are.
    His chest is awesome. I love the girls sitting on it. He is ALWAYS so close to you all, it is beautiful.
    I am glad you can see and find the joy in the season despite the sad memories.
    MUCH LOVE to you and your family.

  4. I love that you shared a few of your precious memories of jack with us…I knew you had a chest full of some of his treasured memories, but I’ve never seen it. What a beautiful place to keep them close to the whole family…especially the girls. We are thinking of you and your family this whole season! Lots of love sent to you all. I’m so blessed to be able to call you my friend- you amazing woman!

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