Monthly Archives: September 2009

you never know


Earth Family

One night, during Jack’s life, Adam and I made a late night run to the supermarket. We left a sleeping Megan with my mom, and escaped the Ronald McDonald House for a brief chance at normalcy. This was, perhaps, the first time I had been out in public since before Jack’s birth. I remember feeling distraught about the fact that people were not going out of their way to be especially kind to me. I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t being handled with extreme gentleness and tenderness. I remember making eye contact with one woman in particular and wondering why she was looking at me with apathy instead of sympathy.

In an instant, I realized that I had no idea what she might be experiencing at that time in her life. Maybe she too was going through something terrible and heartbreaking, and maybe she too was at the supermarket for a much needed escape. Suddenly the small Iowa grocery store was filled with people who deserved my unconditional kindness and love.

Maybe I was the only one in the supermarket that evening whose heart was so very near broken. But I knew how I wanted to be treated by those who didn’t even know I was hurting, and thus I learned how I should have been treating others: because for all I knew…they sure could have been suffering and hurting and in despair.

The lesson that night hit me with great power and I walked out of the store with my shoulders a little straighter and my head a little higher. Since then, however, the impact of that lesson has tapered off. I have to remind myself often to “never suppress a generous thought” and to “assume to best of people”. I have to remember to smile and say “hello”. But doing so actually helps me to be happier. I can’t uplift others without being pulled up with them.

“Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” — Sir Matthew James Barrie

Eternal Family

Month Ten


My Many Colored Days

My Many ColorsSome days are yellow.
Some are blue.
On different days:
I’m different too.

You’d be surprised how many ways,
I change on different colored days.

On bright Red Days,
how good it feels;
to be a horse,
and KICK my heels!

On other days,
I’m other thing.
On bright Blue Days;
I flap my wings.

Some days…
…of course,
feel sort of Brown.
Then I feel slow,
and low, low down.

Then comes a Yellow Day and:
I’m a busy, buzzy bee.

Gray Day…everything is gray.
I watch.
But nothing moves today.

Then all of the sudden:
I’m a circus seal!
On my Orange Days,
that’s how I feel.

Green Days.
Deep, deep in the sea.
Cool and quiet fish.
That’s me.

On Purple Days…
I’m sad.
I groan.
I drag my tail.
I walk: alone.

But, when my days are Happy PINK:
it’s great to JUMP,
and just not think.

Then come my Black days.
I howl.
I growl at every cloud.

Then comes a Mixed-UP Day.
I don’t know who…
…or what…
I am.

But it all turns out all right, you see.
And I go back to being:


– Dr. Seuss

Kids These Days…


…have SO MUCH technology within their reach. Megan’s day is not complete without one (OR ALL) of the following:

Playstation Portable:
PSP (Playstation Portable)

(Seen here, “The Office”)
Computer time (seen here: "The Office")

(Here she is listening to the “Tinker Bell” soundtrack)
iPod (esp. the "Tinker Bell" soundtrack)

(She loves “Rockband”)
XBOX (Rockband)

(Exclusively “Little Einstein’s”)
Television (Little Einstein's exclusively...)

And last…


The Wii:

Megan LOVES the Wii. It is the first thing she asks for in the morning and the last thing she requests before bed.

Don’t worry, mom keeps her plenty busy with more “productive” things as well.

Like plenty of homework:


And even more books:


She is so cute and so fun…enough said.

Labor Day Weekend: Lake Mead Style


Fam@the lake

We spent labor day weekend camping at Lake Mead with my family. My brother Loren and my brother Tad have a boat, so we boated out to an awesome campsite and spent the weekend swimming, wake-boarding, water-skiing, tubing, and relaxing. We had such an awesome time, despite the fact that Adam and I have zero wake-boarding skills (my arms are still SO sore!!)


Megan spent every second possible in the water, and when it was time for bed…she wasn’t a happy camper. She wanted to be in the water, or home in her bed. All in all though, she had a WONDERFUL time and has asked to go back to the lake several times since.


We all got home from the lake and settled in for the BYU football game. Despite the odds being against our Cougars, I knew we were gonna win. The game was awesome, and there was much rejoicing when we did, in fact, defeat number three ranked Oklahoma. Yeah baby!

No holiday or football game is needed to have a great time with my family, but that was just the icing on the cake. What a great weekend!

We clean-up GOOD!

We clean-up GOOD!

Sometimes You Want To Go…Where Everybody Knows Your Name


Adam and I have been in Vegas for over a month now. I can hardly believe that it has already been thirty-six days. Things are going great here. Adam has a temporary job that he can just up and leave as soon as something more permanent comes along. We never anticipated that we would be here for less than a month, so we are just enjoying this in between stage.

We like our new ward here (I say “new” even though we were in this ward for four months back when Megan was a new baby). It is nice that we have family in the ward and stake so we have felt very welcome. The leadership knows that we don’t know how long we will be here, but they extended a calling to me anyway, and I am really excited about it. I am now the beehive advisor in the Young Women’s program. I have ALWAYS wanted to work with the Young Women…mostly I am hoping they will keep me young…

BUT…having said that…it is really hard to be surrounded by so many people who know nothing about us (we live in a different stake than the one we grew up in and lived in until we left for college). I remember the first Sunday I made it back to our Ames ward after Jack died. I walked in the chapel and could feel every eye on me. I don’t enjoy being in the spotlight, and it was so very uncomfortable. Many people avoided me, and those who approached me seemed nearly as uncomfortable as I was. I snuck out of Sunday School for a breather and heard people talking about me in the library. After church, I didn’t make it home before the tears came full force.

BUT…having said that…any one of my Ames ward family members didn’t have to think twice when they glanced at me during the Sacrament hymn and saw tears rolling down my face. They didn’t press further when they asked “how are you today?” and I simply and honestly replied: “…I’m okay.” No one ever questioned my absence from various Relief Society activities or my desire for quiet solitude.

Granted, it’s not unbearable in our new ward, and we are still very happy here. There are just many times when I want to just blurt out: “I had a son. And he died.” After all, Jack is a BIG part of who am. In fact, he is driving force in who I want to become.

Maybe I’m just really missing my Iowa family tonight. You guys are pretty awesome. I’m sure that I will come to love our new Vegas ward as much, too. By then though…Adam will have accepted a job and we will be moving on. I guess this is our chance to let others touch our lives and try to touch the lives of as many people as we can in this short while.