Monthly Archives: August 2009

Another Family Filled Weekend


Last weekend Megan and I (Adam had to stay behind and work) headed up to Running Springs, California specifically to celebrate my brother Loren’s graduation from Chiropractic school. Loren and his wife Sonya threw an excellent graduation party, complete with yummy food and football.

The morning of the party, we hit Big Bear lake. Some people wake-boarded. Some people cliff jumped. Some people (read: Tad) got the boat up to its highest speed ever (40 mph) while some other people (read: Elizabeth and Sarah) were being pulled behind the boat in a two man tube (holding tight for dear life.)
40 MPH

After the party, a large group of us took a walk through the mountains where my brother Tad did his Eagle Scout project twenty-three years ago. It was so beautiful and everyone on the “hike” had an excellent time. Megan loves to be outdoors and she loved running through the mountain trails.


It was a totally fun filled weekend (also complete with plenty of Wii, a rousing game of Sequence, and a midnight break-in of the local thrift store with Tracy.) It is so nice to be the one writing about these activities and not just reading them…sorry Ann…


9 Months


On the 19th of March of last year, Adam and I found out we were expecting our second child.

If I close my eyes, I can perfectly recall that morning of March 19th, 2008. I can see Adam and I sitting on the edge of our bed waiting to see the results of the pregnancy test. I can see the look on my face when I glance at the test and see that it is negative. I can still feel the emotion that came with the second glance when I realize that it was really positive. I can hear myself say: “It’s negative…no wait…it’s positive!” I can hear Adam’s confusion and then feel his arms around me. I can see the tears of excitement in both of our eyes. I can hear us laugh.

I mentally fast forward a few hours and see myself lying on my bed alone, again with tears in my eyes. This time I am afraid. The required nine months of pregnacy do not thrill me. I am remembering the misery of Megan’s pregnancy. November seems an eternity away and I am afraid of what I have gotten myself into.

A myriad of emotions was felt the day we found out we were pregnant with Jack. Most were happy emotions. Many were fearful.

As expected, my pregnancy was miserable. Even more so than with Miss Megan. I was in constant pain, sick, bedridden, and gaining more weight than I ever thought possible. I counted down each day of the 280 total days of gestation. I had to remind myself so many times that come November, the misery would be forgotten and I would have a beautiful baby: who on paper (according to sonograms, ultrasounds, and measurements) was perfect.

I am now nine months on the other side of that much anticipated day. The physical pain and fear I experienced in the nine months before Jack was born, is nothing compared to the emotional pain and sorrow I have felt since that day nine months ago. In many ways I am stronger than the expectant mother I was a year and a half ago. I am more faithful. I am more patient. I am a better mother to Megan. I have MUCH more empathy and am MUCH less judgemental. I love and appreciate the Atonement in a very intimate and very personal way. I am hopeful.

But…in many ways I am much more fragile. I am not as open with others as I once was. I am far less friendly. I feel like I can relate to no one and thus I associate with few. I have become very paranoid as a mother. I let my imagination get the best of me and I am fearful that something will happen to my Megan. I am highly anxious and very over protective.

I feel pressure from many that my pain should be over and that I should move on. Because of that pressure, I often hide away true feelings and let the sorrow come only when I am alone or in the arms of my Adam. I worry that by proclaiming that I have the faith that I say I have, that people expect that faith to make the pain go away. But the pain will never go away and I will “suffer the death of my child until the day I die.” My faith makes me stronger so that I can carry this burden…until the day I die.

FHEHonestly, for the most part, I feel pretty good. I have a few really bad days a month and even those are becoming less frequent. But, I miss Jack: every day. Every day there is a tug at my heart and his absence is noted. My pain will never be over and I will never “move on”. Nothing will fill Jack’s void in my life.

I look forward to the day when my frailties and weaknesses are made strong, and I can be more open and less vulnerable. I am grateful for my faith which buoys me up. I hope the Lord will continue to shape my back to fit the burden.

The naive and youthful me thought that the countdown of 280 day and 9 months of gestation was an eternity. I know now that the countdown to eternity has only just begun.

Our Little Mermaid


It is so nice to have twenty-four hour access to a swimming pool!

Mommy and Meg

While living in Iowa, we only took Megan swimming a handful of times. But since we have been home, we have gone swimming almost every day. We have always known that Megan loves the water. In fact, it has been quite challenging to take her swimming in the past because she has no fear and just wants to take off on her own. Well, recently we have been allowing her more freedom in the pool, and we have learned that she is actually an EXCELLENT little swimmer! She just kicks and paddles her way through the entire pool. Right now she is still using arm floats, of course, but I really don’t think it will be too long before she is able to keep herself afloat on her own.

Megan Swimming

I’ve always thought that swimming would be a good sport for Megan and it seems like she has a natural knack for it.

Adam said that his cheeks were so sore the first day we took Megan swimming here because he just couldn’t stop smiling. She was so happy!

And that makes us happy!

A daddy and a Meg

Baby ZACKary


The last activity on our Utah trip agenda was the baby blessing for my cousin Clayton’s little boy. Kristie and Clayton do good work because Zackary Roy is SO BEAUTIFUL. I have been checking out his pictures on their blog for the last several months, and I have always thought that he was just adorable, but after seeing him in person…I now know that the pictures just don’t do him justice.

Eliz and Zack

The blessing was tender and beautiful and I am glad that I could be there. I just love my cousin Clayton. We were the closest of buddies during several semesters of my BYU days before he left on his mission. I will never watch GSN without thinking about him. He and my Megan also share a birthday. I guess it was only fitting that his little boy was blessed on my birthday. Kristie is also as sweet as they come. She and Clayton are a good match.


We got the newborn cousins together for a little photo-shoot. I whispered to Adam that Jack should have been part of the group, and we both agreed that he would probably be crawling all over the place and probably wouldn’t be holding still for the picture. I am happy for my family members and their new additions. I sure love the little ones and am so glad to be part of such a wonderful family.

Cousin Kyle's babe Abbigail, sister Sarah's babe Conley, Clayton's Zack

Cousin Kyle's babe Abbigail, sister Sarah's babe Conley, Clayton's Zack

Blessing Day Group

Blessing Day Group

Zack's blessing circle

Zack's blessing circle

Happy Sixteenth Birthday, Brittany!


Another one of our Utah activities was a wedding reception for Adam’s cousin, Brittany. No, she’s not sixteen, but my most special memory of Brittany happened right before her sixteenth birthday. I actually met her for the first time then, and Megan was just a brand new baby. She took one look at my little Megan and said, “She is the cutest baby I have EVER seen.” Obviously, I agreed, and I knew right then that Brittany was a gal I liked.

Several weeks later, we celebrated Brittany’s sixteenth birthday. We all went around telling sweet stories about Brittany or saying something nice about her. Everyone was in a agreement that she is one sweetheart of a girl.

Megan at Brittany's 16th Birthday Party

Megan at Brittany's 16th Birthday Party

Now she is all grown up and married to Mr. Adam Stubbs. I very much enjoyed her reception and seeing many of Adam’s cousins who I hadn’t seen in years.

Stubbs Wedding

Congratulations to Brittany and Adam. We wish you the best!