When we found out we were expecting a boy, I decided to go with a space theme for his room. Adam studies astrophysics, so I thought it was only fitting that his little boy be surrounded with stars and planets and moons and other celestial bodies. I took it even further in that almost everything I bought or made for Jack had something to do with space. His “coming home” outfit had a star on it, and many of the other clothes I purchased had the same theme. I also made him a “space blanket” (as Megan likes to call it.)
After Jack passed, the “star theme” became ever so appropriate. I wrote him a poem, and as I pondered a title, “Our Brightest Star” came to mind. The woman in our ward who made Jack’s program for the memorial: also used a star theme – unknowingly. My sister’s song mentions a star. Jack’s headstone has stars all along the bottom.
This morning Adam told me that the stars that shine the brightest also have the shortest life. How fitting for our little boy who was such a bright shining star! I will never look at the night sky the same. I know one of those stars was placed there for me.
In my moments of deepest sorrow, I have asked, “why me?”. I have been confused and troubled. I have felt guilt and blamed myself. Those thoughts and feelings are of the natural man. It is only when I set aside that part of me, that I realize that I should instead be focusing on what I can learn from this, and how it can make me a better person. Jack’s life made me very aware of the things that I need to work on.
My Aunt Janice told me that she knows a woman who also lost her child. She said that every time that mother began to falter in her righteousness, she thinks of her child and how she needs to earn her way back to him. My Jack is perfect and whole. He is granted the highest degree of the kingdom of God. I want to live my life so I can be with him there.
God, in his infinite wisdom and love, has a plan for all of us. He loves us, and he wants us to be happy. There is cause to rejoice, for my family is eternally sealed. We miss Jack. We miss him so much. Our hearts ache for our boy. The sadness and the pain are real. BUT:
“The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”
Adam and I have much to do to become the “faithful” people that we need to be. Jack taught us so much and we love him! Jack may not have needed to experience this life, but we needed to experience Jack.
We love the Lord. We love our Son. Jack will always be our brightest star; lighting the way back to our Father and our Heavenly home.
Don't Worry. 
These posts are so hard to read. I can only imagine that they are harder to write. We love little Jack. I’d like to think he’s hanging out with my little baby right now. Not sure how it all works . . . but I know that though they will never share earth time togther, they are sealed to the same family forever.
I can relate to this Elizabeth. If I relate it to your post, I think of losing our Holly, and then having 4 wonderful children who are such blessings in my life, who are so good.
It’s such a motivator to have a child/sibling who is perfect,
and to want to be with them forever. You have such a
wonderful perspective on everything.
Thank you for allowing me to get to know Jack more and more through your posts, I think of him very often. I taught all my groups this week about being grateful and cherishing every moment and making every decision count toward a future goal. I can’t discuss the gospel, but I can sneak it in here and there. This week was all about Jack without sharing about him personally, Thanks Jack for touching thousands of lives, man, I really wish I would have had the tootsie time, thanks for that comment it meant alot, Liz. I love you
I anxiously await your new posts so that I can feel you and your sweet boys beautiful spirits. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to write all of your emotions and feelings for the past few weeks but you should know that your words are inspiring. You have such an eloquent and sensitive way that you describe everything that I feel like I know Jack personally because of it. Thank you 🙂
“Mem’ries light the corners of our minds.” Dear Eliz & Adam,
Mike and I feel like very distant stars from the swath of light your little family has emanated these many weeks. However, we have felt your warmth, light and closeness to Diety. Your messages and experience with your babe have indeed been in part worshipping at the Savior’s knee beside the manager. Your Jack was, is and will always be precious a most precious son of God the Father, and necessary for you to have tended and to tend to.
I am trying to make a little late blanket for our Marshall now and have been thinking of it as swaddling (to protect with warmth and security). We have been so proud of you, your family and your increased testimony through trial as you found warmth and security through the Savior. We felt a small part of that miracle. Your love and testimony shine as a lovely legacy to your sorrow. Your Angel Baby Jack meekly died for all loved ones to see, that death unlocks the passageway into eternity.
Our love extends to you all for the many years you have been such good examples in Mike’s and my life. Letha
Liz and Adam, it was touching to be able to read these last few posts you wrote about Jack’s experience here on earth. I’m so glad that you are keeping such a good record of his life and your feelings along the way; not only for yourself, but for those like myself who feel so blessed to have been given the gift of hearing about your Brightest Star. Like you said he has changed your lives, he has also helped many others look at their own lives in a different light and help us become better people. The funeral was beautiful, I feel honored to have been there. You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Elizabeth, that was such a beautiful blog, it left me very humbled. The brightest stars have the shortest lives is so very insightful. Thank you for sharing your gift in writing, as well as your pain and testimony with us all–especially me. I love you all and hope you have felt our prayers and love and strength from the temple through this time of hardship. Love, Julie
You might want to read adailyscoop.blogspot.com, she lost her baby girl last june and her loss and grief and how she manages it all is very inspiring and I am sure would help you with your feelings that go up and down.
It is amazing to me how simple “ideas” we have like a space theme are actually gifts from Heavenly Father that help us through our times of need.
Jack’s life will forever shine bright, doesn’t matter how short it was.
You’re in my prayers.
You are inspired of God! I would love to see your poem posted for all those who did not read it at the services. I was going to post it on my blog but I thought, you the author and more importantly Baby Jack’s mom, you should chose if it is posted or not. Love you!
Elizabeth and Adam-
Thank you so much for sharing Jack’s story in such a beautiful, beautiful way. What an amazing way to honor him. He definitely did the work he was supposed to do and I have no doubt that his presence served powerfully as missionary work to all those that ‘knew’ him, even if only through your blog. I feel I have gotten a chance to know him through your beautiful writing and testimonies. Your testimonies are a huge example to me and my little family and I appreciate your willingness to share them. Please know that you are in our continued thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Wes, Holly and Liam Stephenson
Thank you so much for allowing us a peek into your lives. I feel that through your thoughts, words, and feelings, I have grown in my own testimony. I know there are no words to adequately express how sorry I am for your loss. I just cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like. Our son Kevin, is a huge space nut. We are working on redoing his room with a “space” theme. As you, I don’t think I will look at the night sky the same again.